Time to Stop the Insanity

Nine months has passed since my last post. Sadly, not a thing has changed. I still have 45-50 lbs to lose. I now have $68K in credit card debt. I am still an impulsive shopper and I still have clutter.

I can't be all that hard on myself though as I have made progress on the clutter and last year took several truck loads of clothes, furniture, and toys to a women's shelther. In addition, although I haven't lost any more weight, I also haven't gained any either. My debt has increased, but I think I have figured out my triggers and I know when I am on a spending binge as I get that glazed over look of "I gotta have this now...and this...and this...oh and since I'm buying this, I might as well get this too." I know the feeling I get when I'm in that mode. I do it at the store and I do it shopping online. I must keep my debt balance in my head at all times and realize that there is no justification for buying the "wants" when I am paying interest in my purchases.


As for exercising, I suffered a foot injury in October 2009 and have not been able to run since. I am trying to do other exercises, but I find that I have let this foot injury get in the way of progress. It has become my excuse. I've seen a foot doctor, had cortisone injections, had orthotics made, I've searched the internet high and low for a cure and bought anything and everything I could find that I thought would help. And...some did, but when the pain is gone, I have the tendency to stop doing that the things that make the pain go away and then it of course returns. Consistency is key, which is something I have found I am not too fabulous at.


In regards to the debt, I recently had a rude awakening when I got last month's statement for one of my cards and discovered they raised my interest rate (balance transfer period ended) and I was now paying about $250 month in interest alone on that single card. Now granted, I do have a lot of debt, but a lot of it is at 0% or very low interest rates. My highest rate previously that I was paying on any card was 9.9%. Thus, the higher rate and higher interest charge sent me back to my spreadsheets trying to find a way to bring the $23K balance down on that card or transfer it out. I don't want to apply for new cards to transfer this to and I have a couple of options to transfer some of the debt out, but certainly cannot get rid of it entirely. Therefore, I was forced to face my demons and create a true budget to see where I stood. With the plan I've come up with, I should be able to eliminate $800 of outflow by the end of the year just by paying off some of my 0% accounts as these were purchases that need to be paid off by a certain date in order to avoid interest charges. On one, the end date is 03/2011, but I'll pay it off by 12/2010 and that gives me a little over $300 more a month to apply to other cards. Another is for a furniture purchase I made and have about 2 years to pay on, but would rather pay it off sooner than later as that is less I have to worry about. I've also decided that I am *gulp* going to get rid of my maid service. This worries me, but we'll see how it goes...it is more money towards the cards. There are a few other nickel and dime expenses that I'm doing away with as well. Hopefully, by year end, I will be sending that $800 to other cards and will see my debt slowly get eliminated.

One thing that disgusts me is the other day, my child pulled a bag out of my closet and found brand new makeup in the bag...this is expensive department store makeup that I just stuffed away and hadn't used. As I slowly unclutter, I hope to find more. I also look forward to throwing out some of the lotions and junk I have had for years and never used. I will make a weekly commitment to spend 1-2 hours getting rid of stuff.

I am also going to focus on getting up early every day again to work out. Time to get it together. Health, wealth, and clutter-free sanity are my priorities for the remainder of the year. Procrastination is in my rear view mirror.

The good, the bad and the downright scary

Well, here I sit almost a year later and I have not posted to this blog. Life has been hectic, good in some areas, not so good in others. I am grateful for every moment though. I have made strides in my weight loss and have lost 26 lbs to date. I still have a good 55 to go, but I'm working hard for it and I'll accomplish it. I have NOT; however, made much progress on my debt and in fact, have pretty much gone on a free-for-all spending spree all year long. Not good. My debt is still hovering close to the $60K mark.

The sick feeling I get in the pit of my stomach is indicative of the disappointment and stress that my debt gives me. So not worth it. I spent over $2000 on an year-long commitment to an exercise class and I can't get out of it without paying the amount in full. I love the class and gave it to myself as a reward for my 1st 25 lb weight loss, but I should have waited and thought about my debt. I am an impulsive buyer. I go to a store and can go in for $10 worth of stuff and walk out with $200 worth of stuff. I recently splurged on $400 worth of shoes because I told myself I needed them to look good in my clothes. I am disappointed in myself for not following through. I want to be rid of this. I want to quit worrying about debt. I want to quit paying $200 - $300 in interest each month as that is money out the door. I could be paying cash for the things I buy if I didn't have the debt. The insanity has to stop. I have to drop the "gotta have it" mentality. I try to tell my children to save, but I am not setting a good example myself. My house is still full of clutter and I keep adding to it. My job in insanely busy and I sometimes offset the stress with shopping. I want better for myself. I want better for family. For years I have relied on balance transfers to keep my interest rates low, but with the credit crisis, these are far and few between and not as lucrative as they used to be. No longer are there maximum amounts for fees for balance transfers or zero percent interest. I have screwed myself.

It is time to take responsibility. Time to admit that I am part of my own demise. Time to face the music. Time to focus. Time to appreciate and respect my money. I have made a few accomplishments over this past year, but the dread in the pit of my stomach tells me that I still have a long way to go. Wish me luck, strength and restraint.

A friend unknowingly gave me an idea, I currently track my calories and food intake and workouts. I am going to start logging my expenditures each and every day as well. Although it is all to bills, it will be a start to caring for my money.

Time to Wake Up and Smell the Coffee

Here I sit...another day older and deeper in debt. I am a mother of 3 and married to my second husband. I am 80 lbs overweight, I have approximately $60,000 in credit card debt, and my house is a disorganized mess (at least my some of my closets, cabinets and drawers are a disorganized mess). The debt does not include my auto loans or mortgage. I know I am not alone as there are many of you out there that have similar or even worse situations. Luckily, I have a good job that pays well (especially lucky considering these economic times). I work hard and put in a lot of hours (which leaves little time for much else). My children get to enjoy after school activities. My husband and I keep our finances separate and we have laid out which bills each of us is responsible for. He also has a good paying job, but has his own share of credit card debt, a much smaller amount but credit card debt nonetheless.


I have used credit cards for the past 20 years...since I was 18 and have always carried a balance. When I married my first husband, I was going to college and had already accumulated about $8,000 in credit card debt. I always felt the debt would be paid off once I graduated college. Then, come to find out, I learned the man I married was pretty financially irresponsible and by the time we divorced 6 years later, I had accumulated $40,000 in credit card debt. In the divorce, I took the house, our 2 kids and the $40,000 in debt we accumulated and in return I got to keep my retirement funds and he got stuck with the $30,000 in student loans he had accumulated. He never had the motivation to finish school and would usually drop out of classes midway through a semester so he never even got a degree. Worse yet for him, I have learned that his student loans have doubled due to penalties and interest for non-payment...luckily, he refinanced sometime after our divorce so that debt is not part of my debt.

I know what you're thinking...why would you take on all the credit card debt and not stick him with half? I took the entire amount of the credit card debt because I knew he would miss payments and since my name was associated with the debt, they would eventually come after me anyway. I had never missed payments and was not about to mess up my credit.

I used to blame my ex entirely for all the debt I've accumulated. He was a smooth talker and used to talk me into buying things by telling me that he would work overtime to pay them off. Then he would never come through with his end of the bargain. He also had the tendency to lose his jobs at the most inconvenient times...just about the time I'd get a tuition reimbursement check to pay back college tuition that I had charged on my credit cards. So then I'd have to use those funds to cover his part of the income and the credit cards would never get paid back. He usually would only last at a job 9 months at a time. His irresponsibility led to the demise of our marriage. However, I cannot put the entire blame on him. I ALLOWED him to talk me into buying those things. Somewhere along the line, maybe I wanted some of those things too and I wanted to make him happy so I tried to give him the things he wanted (even though I never received gifts from him...including birthdays, anniversaries, or Christmas, yet he was VERY quick to show me a list of things he wanted for his birthday and for Christmas).

Anyway, all that is history now. After accumulating another $20,000 in credit card debt since my divorce from my first husband, I have no choice but to wake up and smell the coffee. I have to take responsibility for my own actions. I have come to realize that I grew up seeing my mother charge everything. She was a single mother and that was the only way we survived. Although she relied on credit cards and always carried a balance, she always paid her bills. At 18, I got my own credit card and used it as I had learned. I have continued to use them and I cringe to think of all the interest that I have paid...money that I could have just as easily driven down the street and thrown out the window of my car, because that is where it went...into a black hole...to a large bank that has made money off of me instead of vice versa. I have wasted that money away. I have paid a lot more in the long run for the items I purchased than had I waited until I had the money saved up and paid cash. Thus, lies the problem. I, like many Americans, like and want instant gratification. I am an impulsive buyer. I can be talked into buying things because the suggestion sounds good. I will convince myself I need something that I want and tell myself I'll pay it off ASAP. However, after hitting an astonishing $60 GRAND, I have realized that I am still paying for things that I purchased a long time ago. I realize that part of the additional $20,000 I've accumulated was due to survival reasons. For a couple of years after the divorce, I relied on my ex's child support and being that I only received it 50% of the time, I'd use my credit cards to make up the difference when I'd fall short. However, there are also a lot of purchases of WANTS in there too that I didn't have to make: trips to the spa, pedicures, lotions, facials, shoes, clothes, coffees and non essentials that I could have done without.

So here I sit, reality hitting me like a brick to the head, realization sinking ever so deep and KNOWING that it all has to end here. Thus begins my journey of cleaning up my life, cleaning up my cluttered finances, my cluttered body, and my cluttered home. See, I believe each of these issues feeds off the other and to begin cleaning one, you have to clean it all.

I have a lot more to tell, but those will come in future posts. I know I am not alone in this situation. If you find a similarity to your life in anything I've written, join me. Stop making excuses and let's start finding answers. Every hour that I am awake, I will be looking for ways to make money to pay things off, or working out and only feeding my body healthy foods, or uncluttering my home. I will look for ways to save money (clipping coupons, finding sales, buying used clothing) and blogging to share the things that I am doing. This can be done and the mess has to end here! Also, please share things that work for you.

The buck stops here! I will try to post weekly. Share your situation...bare it all!