The good, the bad and the downright scary

Well, here I sit almost a year later and I have not posted to this blog. Life has been hectic, good in some areas, not so good in others. I am grateful for every moment though. I have made strides in my weight loss and have lost 26 lbs to date. I still have a good 55 to go, but I'm working hard for it and I'll accomplish it. I have NOT; however, made much progress on my debt and in fact, have pretty much gone on a free-for-all spending spree all year long. Not good. My debt is still hovering close to the $60K mark.

The sick feeling I get in the pit of my stomach is indicative of the disappointment and stress that my debt gives me. So not worth it. I spent over $2000 on an year-long commitment to an exercise class and I can't get out of it without paying the amount in full. I love the class and gave it to myself as a reward for my 1st 25 lb weight loss, but I should have waited and thought about my debt. I am an impulsive buyer. I go to a store and can go in for $10 worth of stuff and walk out with $200 worth of stuff. I recently splurged on $400 worth of shoes because I told myself I needed them to look good in my clothes. I am disappointed in myself for not following through. I want to be rid of this. I want to quit worrying about debt. I want to quit paying $200 - $300 in interest each month as that is money out the door. I could be paying cash for the things I buy if I didn't have the debt. The insanity has to stop. I have to drop the "gotta have it" mentality. I try to tell my children to save, but I am not setting a good example myself. My house is still full of clutter and I keep adding to it. My job in insanely busy and I sometimes offset the stress with shopping. I want better for myself. I want better for family. For years I have relied on balance transfers to keep my interest rates low, but with the credit crisis, these are far and few between and not as lucrative as they used to be. No longer are there maximum amounts for fees for balance transfers or zero percent interest. I have screwed myself.

It is time to take responsibility. Time to admit that I am part of my own demise. Time to face the music. Time to focus. Time to appreciate and respect my money. I have made a few accomplishments over this past year, but the dread in the pit of my stomach tells me that I still have a long way to go. Wish me luck, strength and restraint.

A friend unknowingly gave me an idea, I currently track my calories and food intake and workouts. I am going to start logging my expenditures each and every day as well. Although it is all to bills, it will be a start to caring for my money.